Welcome back to week 35. We hope the past week has been a blessed one for you. Last week we briefly considered halo data in the biblical counseling process. This week we will briefly examine the language we use and its significance in the biblical counseling process. What message are we sending with the language we use and why does it matter?

It is very important that the counselor pay attention to the counselee’s spoken words; his or her language. Scripture tells us that a person’s language, or spoken words, will reveal what is really in their heart (Luke 6:45; Matt. 12:34b). According to Scripture the believing counselee has no right to claim he or she “can’t” change, or obey the Lord.^[1] We see this principle in 1 Corinthians 10:13. Let’s talk a little bit about what this verse is and is not teaching. 

This verse is not teaching that God will not give us more than we can handle. There are several problems with this thinking. Two of them are as follows. One, the main subject, the only independent clause in verse 13, is, “God is faithful.” All the other clauses, which are dependent clauses, work to support the main clause. Thus, the subject of the verse is God’s faithfulness, not our strength. The dependent clauses give us supporting information about God’s faithfulness. 

Second, God does give us more than we can handle. He’s been doing it for ages and He does it to draw us closer to Himself. He even did this with the Apostle Paul! We see clear testimony of this, from Paul himself, in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9. Paul testifies:

…we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; ⁹ indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead” [bold mine]

Clearly, from Paul’s thoughts to our eyes, through the pages of inspired Scripture, God gave Paul more than Paul could handle. Furthermore, He gave Paul so much more that he even thought he was going to die (v. 8). In order for 1 Corinthians 10:13 to be teaching that God will not give us more than we can handle it would have to defy its own grammatical structure. Then, it would have to contradict 2 Corinthians 1:8-9. God is not a God of confusion and He does not contradict Himself. Therefore, this verse is not teaching us that God will not give us more than we can handle.

So then, what is this verse teaching? Furthermore, what was the reason of this burdening so far beyond Paul’s strength? In this verse Paul tells us that no “temptation” has come upon us that is uncommon to man. In other words, this verse does teach God will not allow a temptation, of supernatural origin and power, which has the capacity to make us sin, or lose our salvation (if that were possible). This is speaking to God’s graciousness and mercy in the midst of the trial. God is in control of the trial. God has ordained the trial and God is faithful during the trial. He’s faithful to not allow a trial in the believer’s life that can supernaturally overpower him or her unto sin. Not only that, He’s also faithful to draw us to Himself, through providing endurance, in order to grow our trust in Him. When we come through trials that are clearly beyond our limits it has a wonderful way of growing our trust in the Lord. He is faithful to help us endure it. At that point we have not only read about His faithfulness, which is the greater of proofs, but we’ve also experienced it in life, which is the lesser proof.  

We know God is trust-worthy because Paul clearly says, later in the verse, and because of surrounding context, that God is the One who is faithful and God is the One who provides the way of escape through endurance. God is faithful during the trial and He provides the way of escape so that we “will be able to endure it.” That is what Paul is teaching here: we can and should trust God during trials, even trials beyond our capacity because He is in control of the trial, placed limits on the trial, and will help us endure through the trial without turning against Him.  God is gracious enough to provide a way for us to endure our trials. 

Therefore, there are two choices and two possible outcomes with every trial. One, a person can choose to take God’s way of escape (i.e., trusting Him) leading to perseverance. Two, a person can choose to do things his own way which leads to sin and failure (James 1:14; 1 Cor. 10:12).  

Now, for an example of why language is important in counseling. Take Stanley for instance. Stanley claims to be a believer. He has a debilitating circulatory malfunction that is causing swelling of his lower extremities. This particular malfunction is very painful because it causes his lower legs to swell up to three times their normal size. 

Stanley reacts to this painful condition with the sinful response of self-pity and depression. Stanley claims that he “can’t” change his response to his illness. He claims that nothing like this happens to other people. Moreover, many doctors and specialists are puzzled by his condition. 

If the counselor examines the language Stanley is using beyond the surface level, he will find that Stanley’s “can’t” is actually a “won’t.” This could be due to either ignorance or unbelief. If Stanley is shown 1 Corinthians 10:13 yet ultimately remains unchanged in his response to his physical problems it could be that he is enslaved to sin and its responses. He very well might be an unbeliever. However, if he takes time to wrestle with the truth and ultimately responds in trusting submission, that’s a sign of a believer. Believers ultimately submit to Scripture because God has supernaturally enabled, empowered, and encouraged them to do so (Rom. 6:6-7, 14; 1 Cor. 10:13).

For another example, Al, who claims to be a believer, has a problem with taking illegal drugs. During counseling he claims that he “can’t” stop his choice of this sinful habit. Al mentions that he gets his drugs from the other side of town. Upon further questioning it is determined that Al works in the opposite direction of his dealer. He also lives in the opposite direction of his dealer, and he knows no one else in the section of town where his dealer lives. 

The question posed to Al is; “if you do not work, live, or know anyone on that side of town then why go there?” Al had no further answer, but it did not matter because his first “I can’t stop,” and some basic data gathering was enough to see the issue. Al, like Stanley both enjoyed their sin so much that they were adjusting their lives in order to pursue it further.^[2]

It is not that God had failed these two men in the examples above. It is that these two men failed God with their sinful unbelief. The phrase “I can’t” should be immediately confronted and taken seriously. We take it seriously because that phrase shows sinful ignorance of God’s Word, or unbelief that His Word is sufficient for their problem, or unbelief that God is able to fulfill His Word (2 Tim. 3:16-17; Is. 46:11). 

The language we use matters. Using a simply little phrase like, “I can’t,” has massive implications. If a believer uses language like the examples above, we ought to help them understand the error of such thinking and biblically correct it. Our language matters.     

We hope our short time considering the language we use in a biblical counseling context was helpful. We ought not use language which contradicts Scripture. It is sin against the Lord and self-deceptive. Lord willing, next week we will seek to explain the significance of Ephesians 4:17-25 for biblical counseling and discipleship. Until then may our Lord bless you and keep you.

^[1] Jay Adams, Competent To Counsel (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), 131.

^[2] James 1:14. Some people may like the effects of a drug while others may like the attention from others that their depression brings. It all amounts to the same thing, sin.